Life and Death

Little side note: I've always rhymed this with light and meth. Play sports outside, get some light, and live life. Or stay inside, do some meth, and embrace death.

No hard drugs for me please. I don't want to end up not being able to help myself and having to snatch purses for my addiction.

I wrote about this topic in my "What If That's It" post. This is a very interesting idea...

I fear both ends of the spectrum, or rather that I fear the basis for both those sides. If I lived forever, I would      go insane after the first hundred years past normality. If we died and stayed in the ground for eternity, with no further concious, I fear that even more.

My philosophy: CARPE DIEM!!!!!!! SEIZE THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Live life to the fullest every day like you're going to die the next day! I may not always show it in class but outside of school if there's something fun to be done, I'm gonna be the one to do it first! I'm gonna be the record holder!

Wants

This is a tough one...really I don't know what I want.

I guess since I'm a dude that sex is included but other than that I've really got no idea. Maybe its that I know I want lots of things, but that I really don't care if I actually have them; either because I already have them or I could hardly ever get them even if I wanted to...

I want friends but I have tons of those already. I want a girlfriend but I've got that too...you're amazing by the way, I love you!

Money? Never have it so why bother wanting it? New skateboard? That's more of a need. I love my shoes, my teeth are straight, and I DEFINITLY don't need to lose weight.

I want my headache to go away right now there's 1 thing!

I want...food. There we go. I can never have enough of good things to eat! As an added bonus my metabolism is astronomically high so I can eat whatever I want with no consequences. Steak...yum. With mashed potatoes, gravy and pie...

Fruit by the foots, orange juice, anything on Ruby Tuesday's menu...

I'll be right back I'm hungry...

Fears

I'm afraid of bragging.
I'm afraid of tests after I've procrastinated longer than I should have.
I'm afraid of bombing out.
I'm afraid of being caught.
I'm afraid of being thought as a jerk.
I'm afraid of being boring.
I'm afraid of not a lot (this post is kinda hard)
I'm afraid of aging.
I'm afraid of failing to prove my parents wrong about my future.
I'm afraid of being paralyzed my whole life.
I'm afraid of going blind.
I'm afraid of going deaf.
I'm afraid of breaking down.
I'm afraid of being bored.
I'm afraid of not being able to play sports.
I'm afraid of dissing girls (actually I just REALLY hate it)
I'm afraid of reliance.

I'm afraid of being left behind...

Bliss

I look down at the plummeting world below me. My mind is at peace having found a way to break through the clutter and noise of the world to which i would soon return to.

The steady current of air rushes past my body, bypassing it as if I were no more significant that the clouds that the sky harbored.

If only I could fall for eternity...and why not? Maybe the world is really moving away from me as fast as I'm going towards it, and I'll be suspended in one point of space forever. What a blissful thought...

She stares at me as thought she hasn't seen me in years...her whispers reach my ears and suddenly the wind is still rushing past me, but its leaving thoughts and ideas just as fast as its traveling. She's always been there, never getting farther nor closer to me.

Always just within reach, but never vacant.

Thought I am calm, every fiber of my body vibrates, numbing me the way no dream ever could. In this I know without a doubt will last forever. I will be in suspended animation for the rest of my life, lost between the space of the horizon and the Earth.

This pergatory is where I want to be. Locked in an eternal dance.

With her.

What If That's It...?

This is going to kindof tie into the post about fears. But mostly it's about life and death.

My one great fear is nothing worldy. Sure I hate bugs and spiders but I know deep down that I'm not truely afraid of them. What I'm truely and utterly afraid of is a little hard to comprehend for some people. It's a little hard to explain too, and to incorporate every factor that makes up this one fear would crash blogger.com. Therefore, I'm going to try and summarize...

The thing that I'm terrified of is dying, and that being the last thing that you will every experience or be concious about. Think about it: you're old, aging, hooked up to numerous wires to keep you alive in a hospital and being fed meals through a tube. You think about every experience that you've ever had; every joy, every disappointment, every friend and accomplishment that you;ve ever had. Your feelings, thoughts, and really everything around you are things you start to really pay attention to. You conciously think and perceive everything instead of doin things like an automated machine. The air is so clean, the blankets so warm and fuzzy, and then...darkness

But not even darkness. Just jothing. You died, and you know no more. you can't see darkness; you don't have eyes or a brain to tell you. You can't know, feel, or despair that you've in a void of non-existance becuase you life and conciousness are gone. Everything you once were is completely meaningless and the only way you exist in in the memories of others who have retained their lives.
You're put in the gournd, your eyes forever shut to the world of light, and the only thing that you get to do is exist as an empty shell of a corpse. But you don't know that, because there is no you anymore.

Your whole life has been dominated by the idea that there's always something else to do after you've finished with the present. College after High School. Career after college. Marriage after or during your career.
Kids.
Parenting.
Their lives.
Retirement.
Death, Heaven, Forever...

Except that the last two are a joke.

Eternity for you is losing your soul and being transformed into a title that the world will either never know or forget when your peers enter the void.

I want the reader to look up after this paragraph and truely look, percieve, and appreciate your world through every sense. Don't look at a flower and think "Oh...a flower..." then continure walking down the street in the automatic state of living.

Look at, analyze, and think about everything about that flower. Forget about all social rules, deadlines, judgements, or things to do and make that flower your entire world. Make yourself a completely clean slate, and discover your love for everything in this world...

If you did this right, you should have realized that everything, especially your firend and people, are nothing short of miraculous. There is so much detail we ignore, so much hatred and fear that influences us, and so much love we suppress that we forget the beauty of this world.

Hate has its place in the world. As does love. But hate should take up so much of our time that we take for granted everything around us.

This world is real. Stop and smell the roses...

I'm thinking about you like...

First off, props to Mike Taylor of the Poetry Slam. I swear some of these kids have got so much talent it's ridiculous. Just like some of the kids in the rap off every Friday. How do they think that fast?

Speaking of thinking, I'm constantly thinking about this one girl lately. In one word shes amazing. Beautiful, funny, and really outgoing. Every time I've seen her she looks, if its possible, even more goregous than the last time both inside and out. I'm thinking about her like genius' think about Stephen Hawking. Like flowers think about the sun. Like athletes think about Chase Hansen.

My other great love is the snow. I LIVE for snow. Winter is my favorite season because Snowburg starts calling my name. Unfortunatly, this year has been pathetic. Utah, the only thing I've seen "not live up to its name" more than you is when Hawaii was completley flat last winter. You just stare up at the mountains or out at the ocean and think "wtf...I just got majorly boned..." I'm thinking about you like voters think about Obama. Like Patriot fans think about Super Bowl XLVI. Like teenagers DON'T think about today's minimal day.

What Is Love?

All right I admit I haven't been too good about this blog. I'm good at writing but getting on the web and typing on a something that I've never had before has takens some time to comit to memory. Kindof the same thing with Facebook: its gotten so ridiculously boring and pointless that I hardly ever go on anymore. Shoutout to Marshall Soulfull Jones for his poem that dude is legit!

Love. I think this might be both the most destructive and beneficial force ever to have been thought up. It can make your life a wonderful bliss that you wish would never end; or a painful nightmare that you want to end as soon as possible. Love is hard to explain, especially for a teenager. Teenage love isn't love in the slightest. Merely an alarming about of infatuation towards a person that leaves almost as soon as it comes. Unfortunatley for me, my friend has forced me to watch the notebook with her, so I've got to include the quote from Nick (is that his name?) that some types of love are brilliant flashes of shooting stars that tear across the midnight sky...and then are gone and lost in the next instant.

Don't get me wrong I love the IDEA of love. I've thought I've been in love with a few girls at one point (not at the same time) but whether its 6 months or a year, we eventually decide to split and have been awesome friends after that. I've seen "love" completley destroy some of my friends though. Some loser, jerk, dick of a guy will break their heart and it always leaves them with an empty sense of abandonment that I wish with all my heart I could repair.

Love will be a great thing when I know it. I think it will for every teenager. But until then I'm holding off on the L word with the girls I go out with. Sorry ladies. Love you anyway haha