Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

I look to my left. The same placid picture that was there two minutes ago still plasters the mosaic. Maybe it will change if I check in another two.

Right. Same response. Oh wait no! Somebody new came along...never mind. She just changed clothes.

I look down. Back up. 

Slightly back down again. The wax has grown shorter. Not surprising. But still there's hope. 

"What? Oh yes...another glass please."

Hmmm....same bitter taste. Good year though. Haven't seen 1920's in awhile. Oh...gone again already. 

"Waiter! Oh you left the bottle? How kind of you."

Then something hard hits my head...

Someone taps my shoulder. The restaurant is closing. I look down. Back up. 

Slightly back down. Look at that, stained table cloth with an empty glass next to it. Some klutz must have knocked it over. Oh wait...drool marks. I'm the klutz. He says there's no need to pay for tonight. Another kind gentleman.Unlike so many.

He didn't come. How could he? He was probably busy. But then again...no he wasn't. He even said he wasn't. That's why he could come tonight. Or should have anyway.

Muffled sound. "Yes please..."

Into a car. Slight motion sickness. Up the driveway. Handing the stranger my key. 

Up the stairs.

Falling.

Covers are pulled over me. "Thank you sir."

Hmmm...treated like another human being. One species helping their own. Like it should be.

Where did all the people like him go? 

How We Think

Did you know that there is a set eye pattern that defines how we think and what were thinking about? My friend found this out from somebody and we tried it out. Not only did it completely work, but it was impossible to do not do it (at least for him.)

When we think and attempt to answer a question our eyes move a lot. We don't ever think about it because it's the natural thing to do, but I've never realized it until he actually told me it. There's a specific pattern to it too.
Up Left: You're making a list of possibilities in answer to that question.
Up Right: You're envisioning yourself put into that situation so that you can answer the question "first hand."
Up Straight: You're struck by sudden inspiration that you know without a doubt will work.
Left to Right: You're drawing on experiences or knowledge from the past that others have told you.
Any Downward Direction: You're thinking based on the emotions that you feel about that subject.

After reading this list we found out that this is completely true. Our eyes never stop moving when we think. the upward category was based on the left side, or analytical part of your brain. Any downward direction was associated with the right half, or creative side of your brain.

It's also nearly impossible to keep your eyes completely still when answering a question. You either won't be able to come up with a sincere answer (or none at all), or you wont be able to keep your eyes from moving. I was able to do it, but every other person that we tested this on wasn't able to keep their eyes still when we asked them a question that required them to think.

Try it sometime. You'll be surprised.

Jealousy

I Spied My Shadow Slinking-By Jack Prelutsky

I spied my shadow slinking
up behind me in the night.
I issued it a challenge,
and we started into fight.

I wrestled with that shadow,
but it wasn't any fun.
I tried my very hardest-
all the same, my shadow won.

This is a poem from my not too distant childhood. Fond memories of playing the added demos of the "Green Eggs and Ham" computer game spring up whenever I read this poem. I can reiterate the exact tone and animations from the game that have forever been indented into my memory.

All the same, there are feelings of resentment with reminiscing memories that come to mind when reading this poem. I envy those with more youth than I, with no other cares outside of whether they will play soccer or basketball for recess tomorrow.

If only I could return to the time of elementary school, with my original teachers and all the friends that grew 3 1/2 feet in my absence from them. What fun it would be to go back to childhood; to be as ignorant as you could possibly get and be able to face the world only with a smile and a Tootsie Pop to accompany it.

Whats college? Oh well, I get to go to Seven Peaks tomorrow. Test? You mean that thing where we put spelling words on yellow paper? Those are easy, all I had to do was watch Mary Poppins for the bonus word. Yes mom I practiced my cursive after school today can I go out to play football now?

It's too true: aging and worry are completely proportionate. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be kept a child forever...
Then again...what if not?

Life and Death

Little side note: I've always rhymed this with light and meth. Play sports outside, get some light, and live life. Or stay inside, do some meth, and embrace death.

No hard drugs for me please. I don't want to end up not being able to help myself and having to snatch purses for my addiction.

I wrote about this topic in my "What If That's It" post. This is a very interesting idea...

I fear both ends of the spectrum, or rather that I fear the basis for both those sides. If I lived forever, I would      go insane after the first hundred years past normality. If we died and stayed in the ground for eternity, with no further concious, I fear that even more.

My philosophy: CARPE DIEM!!!!!!! SEIZE THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Live life to the fullest every day like you're going to die the next day! I may not always show it in class but outside of school if there's something fun to be done, I'm gonna be the one to do it first! I'm gonna be the record holder!

Wants

This is a tough one...really I don't know what I want.

I guess since I'm a dude that sex is included but other than that I've really got no idea. Maybe its that I know I want lots of things, but that I really don't care if I actually have them; either because I already have them or I could hardly ever get them even if I wanted to...

I want friends but I have tons of those already. I want a girlfriend but I've got that too...you're amazing by the way, I love you!

Money? Never have it so why bother wanting it? New skateboard? That's more of a need. I love my shoes, my teeth are straight, and I DEFINITLY don't need to lose weight.

I want my headache to go away right now there's 1 thing!

I want...food. There we go. I can never have enough of good things to eat! As an added bonus my metabolism is astronomically high so I can eat whatever I want with no consequences. Steak...yum. With mashed potatoes, gravy and pie...

Fruit by the foots, orange juice, anything on Ruby Tuesday's menu...

I'll be right back I'm hungry...

Fears

I'm afraid of bragging.
I'm afraid of tests after I've procrastinated longer than I should have.
I'm afraid of bombing out.
I'm afraid of being caught.
I'm afraid of being thought as a jerk.
I'm afraid of being boring.
I'm afraid of not a lot (this post is kinda hard)
I'm afraid of aging.
I'm afraid of failing to prove my parents wrong about my future.
I'm afraid of being paralyzed my whole life.
I'm afraid of going blind.
I'm afraid of going deaf.
I'm afraid of breaking down.
I'm afraid of being bored.
I'm afraid of not being able to play sports.
I'm afraid of dissing girls (actually I just REALLY hate it)
I'm afraid of reliance.

I'm afraid of being left behind...

Bliss

I look down at the plummeting world below me. My mind is at peace having found a way to break through the clutter and noise of the world to which i would soon return to.

The steady current of air rushes past my body, bypassing it as if I were no more significant that the clouds that the sky harbored.

If only I could fall for eternity...and why not? Maybe the world is really moving away from me as fast as I'm going towards it, and I'll be suspended in one point of space forever. What a blissful thought...

She stares at me as thought she hasn't seen me in years...her whispers reach my ears and suddenly the wind is still rushing past me, but its leaving thoughts and ideas just as fast as its traveling. She's always been there, never getting farther nor closer to me.

Always just within reach, but never vacant.

Thought I am calm, every fiber of my body vibrates, numbing me the way no dream ever could. In this I know without a doubt will last forever. I will be in suspended animation for the rest of my life, lost between the space of the horizon and the Earth.

This pergatory is where I want to be. Locked in an eternal dance.

With her.